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But for the more than 20, dual military couples (where both spouses are in What if you and your spouse are in different branches of the service? and you should review it at least once a year to make sure it's up to date.

I think you should choose the latter. I can only speak from personal experience, but yeah, I kind of did "know it" when I met my future husband. The other guys were decent, funny, attractive individuals, but something about him just When that curiosity and intrigue only strengthened after our second date, I just lost interest in spending time with other dudes. I canceled all my other upcoming dates, just because it wasn't fair to those guys.

So, to answer your question, my own experience would suggest that it's not necessary to actively "shut off the spigot" and work to focus on one particular guy. It will be an effortless focus, when you meet the right person. You don't just pick someone. But you also don't have to go on quite as many dates in such short, frantic, overlapping time frames. What about relatively short turnaround serial monogamy, though?


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Like, date one dude at a time but be quicker and pickier about your dealbreakers, and amp up the honesty with the dude. Give him X weeks or months whatever's most comfortable to you and see how it goes. For example, if he seems vaguely mean-ish to your cat or stands you up repeatedly Or if you want him to plan more dates, tell him and see what he says. If the honesty ain't working and he's not compromising, then just move on.

Jump Off the Merry-Go-Round & Say NO to Relationship Crack

It doesn't have to be lightning bolts when you meet your future partner. Sometimes it's a gradual drift toward each other and everyone's happy about that. You need a decisive list that cuts through it all. Your pace sounds exhausting and counter-productive. If you like a guy enough for a fourth date, why are you setting up first dates?

Just date one guy at a time, until you don't want to date him anymore. Set aside your dating FOMO I get the metaphors, but romantic partners really aren't crops or taxis and focus on the people you are going out with. If you're marriage minded, I would assign a scoring system, giving priority to the men you also feel are in that frame of mind. But I'd also limit it to three evaluees at a time. What do you do on these dates?

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How much time do really get to know them? One question to ask is how do you feel about yourself after a date with someone? If post-date after Guy A makes you feel that you've been heard and respected for example , while Guy B makes you feel as if you had to compete for his attention all night, then Guy A is a better prospect than Guy B, even if all other things are equal. It lets you concentrate on guys rather than 'dabbling', and lets the relationship actually grow. You get to know each other more -- whether it ultimately leads somewhere or not -- rather than keep everyone at the same unsatisfactory surface level.

Also, it's a bit fairer to these fourth date guys, who probably think that this is going somewhere substantial by then. Do all the dating you want, but please don't waste anyone's time, not when the 'taxi lights are ON'. Which is not to say you have -- just be aware. If you want to get married and have kids soonish dating a guy who isn't in your city and is still in training isn't a good choice, I'd stop seeing him for those reasons even though you like each other.

Usually one will progress and the others fizzle mutually anyway. I've found the serious ones bring that up fairly early too. If it doesn't work out I can get out there again, and because we're both serious I think we both trust we won't drag things out if we start to have doubts.


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Long distance guy is not good for you. Move on from him.

Enough single shaming: Why we choose to be on our own

Continue to go on many first dates with a variety of guys. I highly recommend it. I know it sucks, but "you can't hurry love" as they say, and the only way to get the annoying dating phase out of the way is to suffer through it. The only thing I would change is don't go on 4th dates with dudes you aren't sure about, ramp up your dealbreakers and cut off dudes after date 1 or date 2.

Specifically lay things out on the table that might be dealbreakers to get them out of the way. I'm basically reading your question as, "I'm dating - a lot! I want it to be over! Dating a lot kind of sucks! Where is my 1 Mr. But you're not doing anything wrong. He just hasn't shown up yet. Trying to "force it" by dating one guy at a time isn't really going to magically turn that guy into 1 Mr. Right, it will just slow down that annoying "dating" phase and maybe make you miss out on options. Continue doing what you're doing, give up on Mr. Long Distance, and you'll know when Mr.

It may just take time.

I mean, if this is how you think it all works, just pick whoever and marry him and live your life. Respectfully, I disagree, and suspect this commenter may not have dated in the age of the dating apps, which make an endless string of options literally available. We're suffering from paradox of choice at this time in human history.

Personally I ended up picking the guy who seemed kindest and more trustworthy right off the bat, and knew that I was leaving options behind.

Frankly, it wasn't easy at all, but it's a leap of faith for those of us who don't fall head over heels on the first date which is a good thing. I'm a guy, but I'm not sure that matters here. I wouldn't be going on first dates if I were at the fourth date stage with someone.

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